The build up to the Hulkster’s return is a simple one. Who is the man you’d want to see fighting the realest American this world has ever seen? You want a super-duper, stereotypical foreign heel. And in 2014, the ready made man for Hogan to squash was the
Bulgarian Russian weightlifter, and hater of all things American, such as Jack Swagger and the army, Rusev (Now known as Miro in AEW). Rusev debuted at the Royal Rumble 2014, but became a full time main roster member on the raw after Wrestlemania 30. Led by his definitely Russian manager, Lana (whom he later married), the duo ran through the WWE roster throughout 2014, remaining undefeated until he lost to John Cena at Wrestlemania 31 in a completely bullshit decision. Rusev beat a number of wrestlers with his finishing maneuverer, a camel clutch that he called The Accolade. He tapped out the likes of Big Show, Mark Henry and Jack Swagger, the highlight being Mark Henry shedding a tear before he passed out in the accolade, failing to defend his country from the evil foreigner who has generally been a bit mean.
Only one man has the power to fight for the rights of every man. As long as that man is American, he will protect you at all cost, and cradle you tight with his 24 inch pythons. But if you happened to be from a country different from his, then Hulk Hogan does not care for you, and if anything actively wants to beat you up. In the ring, of course.
Rusev will have the same run as he did in real life, he will defeat the likes of Jack Swagger and Big Show to continue his undefeated streak. He will still place second in the Royal Rumble to Roman Reigns (because that doesn’t involve the Hulkster I shan’t be redoing it) and he will still be equally Anti-American. In promo’s he will hint towards fighting an American Hero. Hinting towards fighting a legend who represented America. Clearly hinting towards what we all wanted during that time, Kurt Angle vs Rusev if he wasn’t busy wasting his time in TNA. Rusev will beat everyone on the roster who thinks they represent America. He will even take on John Cena as he did at Fastlane, locking in the Accolade tight and forcing the Champ to tap. Cena will beat Rusev at the PPV after ‘Mania, and the US Open Challenge will still be happening.
The Raw after Fastlane, Rusev will enter the ring to the Russian anthem, flanked by soldiers. A flag will be hoisted above him, furled, and after a speech by Lana, and some denigration of everything about the U S of A, the flag will unfurl. However, rather than boo, the crowd will cheer! They will gasp, then cheer, then laugh as Rusev and Lana freak out about how someone has sullied their flag and replaced it with their own, a “Classic American Trick” Lana will call it. She will demand the culprit reveal themselves, and bring themselves out here to face their punishement.
BWA BWA BWA BWA BWABWABWABWA
Then, it came crashing down on Rusev. It hurt him inside. Hogan had to take a stand, he could not hide. Rusev had hurt his friends, and hurt his pride. He is a man, he couldn’t let it slide.
The Real American, Hulk Hogan, clad in red and yellow, stands on the ramp, pointing at Rusev and telling him “Not today Brother, not on my watch”. He has the courage, which is the thing that keeps us free, to stand up to these no good
Bulgarian and American Russians in their pursuit of destroying American and the American dream.
Hogan gets into the ring, fighting off Russian soldiers one by one, which good, strong American Punches right to their skulls. They fall, one by one, until he meets Rusev in the ring. The two stare down, before Rusev attacks. He punches Hogan, who didn’t expect the cowardly Russian to fight back, because that’s only something a real American would do. In a way, he gains some respect for Rusev as he starts beating him down. Hogan falls to his knees, as the crowd goes silent. Rusev fits continue to smash into Hogan’s head, and the crowd are sure Hogan must be dead.
But then, he begins to shake. “A concussion induced seizure?” the crowd ask, due to Hogan’s age and general condition. But then he looks up. His arms shake uncontrollably. He gets to he feet, as Rusev’s blows continue but appear to be doing nothing. Hogan is now marching around the ring, vibrating like a hummingbird as the crowd go into a frenzy. “He’s Hulking Up! It’s Hulk Time! Vintage Hogan!” Michael Cole yells, incredibly annoyingly, before JBL shouts “BALLGAME I HOPE YOU DIE” at Michael Cole. They almost ruin the moment, as they do most moments.
Rusev goes for one more punch, but Hogan brushes it off, points him finger in Rusev’s face, and shouts in unison with the 10 million Hulkamaniacs in the arena “YOU!”. He follows it off by blocking Rusev’s punch, following it up with his own 3 punches, as the crowd count along with them. He then Irish whips Rusev into the ropes, charging up the biggest boot he’s ever done in his life.
But Rusev is grabbed by Lana, thrust out of the ring and down the ramp. Hogan has been stopped mid Hulking Up, and will have to Hulk himself up in his hotel room later on. They stumble down the ramp, filled with fury and venom at Hogan not only disrepecting their flag, but also beating up the best Russian soldiers they could find. Hogan starts posing in the ring as they retreat, cupping his hand to his ear and flexing his saggy, old man muscles at the crowd.
The next week on Raw, Hogan gets a microphone after about 25 minutes of posing in the ring, and challenges Rusev to a match at Wrestlemania. The Real American vs The Bulgarian pretending to be Russian with a American manager pretending to be Russian who is also his wife. It will be Hogan’s big return, and he’s had since last Wrestlemania, since he had the idea of his comeback, to prepare for it, so he would be in the best possible shape of his life. Also, America.
Look out for part 3 where I will go through the match with Rusev, and how he will get to be the WWE Champion